An Experiment on Delivery- Reactions to Statements

These are two statements I tested out with my family. While the requests I made were pretty mild, these were designed to incite a stronger reaction.

I don’t think I want kids.

Nonchalant tone, clearly spoken; Leaning back, feet up; chest out, chin up; steepling the hands; Eye contact (not too intense)

This one was announced collectively to all three ladies. We were all chatting in the kitchen- my grandma was baking (the best pumpkin desert I’ve ever had). The conversation turned towards a couple my mom is friends with- they finally got pregnant after trying for several years. I then added in “I don’t think I want kids“.

Here is the conversation:

• My Mom: First one to respond.
  • “Oh honey, you don’t mean that. You’ll change your mind when you’re older”.
• So I reply, “Oh yes I do mean it. Kids are expensive and loss of freedom and destruction of my body isn’t something I’m keen on at the moment” (I’m already annoyed if you didn’t notice).
• My Sister: “I think she means it, Mom. Plus, she’d be the weird mom. Probably doing the imaginary kids a favor”.
• My Grandma: “Oh well maybe you’ll change your mind. You’re so young- well I’m glad to hear you’re not planning on popping one out anytime soon”.
• Me: “Not anytime soon and maybe never, hope that’s cool with y’all” [sarcastic tone here].

The subject manner changed soon and things were amicable again. My sister didn’t seem too bothered by what I had to say and took my word at it- no argument. My Grandmother looked somewhat concerned but didn’t try to press the matter. My Mother was actually upset (I do feel a little guilty) and tried to bring it back up, but I responded in the same manner- she dropped it.

*Did not wanna bring this one up with Grandpa.

I’d rather elope than have a wedding.

Hesitant tone; eye contact (fearful), looking upward at person; hunched shoulders, curved spine; fidgeting

I brought this up in pairs.

• My Mom & My Grandpa: Sitting together after dinner one night; we are half watching tv, half conversing. There was a commercial for some jeweler or another talking about making the holidays special with an engagement ring. *here is my opportunity*
  • My mom is, again, the first to respond: “You wouldn’t do that to us. That is something special your family should be able to be with you for!!!!”
    • She is adamant, a little forceful. But also slightly giddy (she fears I secretly hate marriage like I apparently hate kids ^^^)
  • My Grandpa: Laughs “Oh you know they wouldn’t let you get away with that one”.

I let it drop after these comments, I wanted to keep with the body language/attitude I started with.

My Grandfather more or less dismissed it with a laugh. I’m assuming he was going off my mom’s immediate “no”.

My mom was surprisingly pretty direct with me, taking on a dominant role. Not that I ignore authority of my mother (mostly) but she usually lets me be because I was never easily managed. I believe the change to a submissive demeanor influenced this.

 

• My Sister & My Grandma: In the car. I started a conversation about how expensive someone’s wedding was, let them talk, then *the statement*
  • My sister: visibly unhappy “No you can’t do that, I want to be there. I’m your sister, I get to be”.
  • My grandma: “I’d like the honor of being able to attend too” (slightly sassy tone here), “if I haven’t croaked by the time you decide on one”.
  • My sister, again: “You can’t just not let us come. At least give me a warning- I’ll come”. She sulks. I do not respond.

My grandma’s response didn’t surprise me much. She was driving, therefore didn’t really get to look much at me, just hear my voice and glance.

My sister, however, did surprise me. She usually goes along with what I say, especially in front of others. But it’s not a stretch for her feelings to be hurt by this.